My encounters with God – #1

Lately, there however, has been a shift in belief and I have inclined myself to believe in the existence of a higher power: a God. It does not relates to any religious deity, just a higher power, who is in control, rather than my self.

But why suddenly, you may wonder?

Life is all about trials, errors and the lessons we learn from them. I wanted to give this option another chance. This change is not sudden but has been accumulating over years and there are a number of reasons that this can be attributed to. It now appears more like a gradual convergence; I share this experience and reasons in the following paragraphs.

Overwhelming conflicts in personal and professional life led to several fronts opening up in my life, and the realization that I am not equipped to handle them all, or have the ability to control the outcome in any.

Trials and unsatisfactory results of various beliefs of the past also contributed to this convergence. Although, even for an atheist, one does not always gets the happiness one seeks in the world, there are always some ups and downs, to me however none felt like real.

Pascal’s wager. I have always found it to be a very reasonable argument. There is only a finite loss in believing in Him if He does not actually exists, but if He does, you score big time.

The pain of unrequited love. Like a trigger to a war in the real world, this was my trigger for the change of strategy in my inner war. It pushed me to rethink, and towards God.

It is a common belief across the spectrum that we cannot control the outcome of situations in our lives. Much like a river, we have to flow along with the currents. We have to maneuver. This gave me the impetus to once again try, this time, with unconditional faith. To believe. To pray.

Therefore, I surrendered.

That night, as I took the backseat in life and sat in meditation, I felt an overwhelming feeling that suddenly dominated and took away all the pain, not just emotionally, but it appeared to have a physiological effect as well.

I felt that the woman I loved so deeply meant nothing to me before the love I was experiencing at that moment. I felt that I had someone much important with me and I don’t need anyone else in life. Absolutely no one. It was a perfect state of happiness, calmness and peace.

At this moment, I do not know what it was. It’s fairly reasonable to term it as a divine intervention of God, or at least is aligned with the unconditional faith I have submitted to. Confirmation bias, perhaps? But then, there is no denial of what I experienced.

The other possible explanations could be that this is a positive energy sweeping through. Remember, scientifically everything is energy, a vibration pattern. What we send out is what we receive back. I sent out positive ones with unconditional surrender, perhaps that’s what returned to me to ease my pain.

I don’t know what lies next and have no intentions of determining the path in long run either. It seems like a good idea to flow along with the river current.

The least this experience gave me is a huge relief from the heartache. How long this will sustain is to be seen, but I am determined to continue with unconditional faith and the explore the territory from the backseat.

Letting go and letting it be, surrendering to the universe the way it is has been one of the personal successes of 2016.